For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
