I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
