no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
