I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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