I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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