cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
