I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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