oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
