I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
