i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
