I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
