I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
