Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
