I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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