By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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