I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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