I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
