We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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