I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So vagazzling was a success
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