she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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