This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
