Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize