I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
