She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I love you. Go after that dick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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