End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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