Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you still have your period?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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