Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
