Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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