Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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