Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
third nipple confirmed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize