I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
