Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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