Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
