smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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