just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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