How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
