hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
