Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
