DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
