Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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