i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
