I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
