look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
