Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
how does that bad decision feel?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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