No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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