The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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