sarcasm needs its own font
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
