Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize