you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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