Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
