another moral hangover. fuck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
