glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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