I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
