My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
