she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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