yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
