I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
