I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize