wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize