i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
