You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize