my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
