the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
